My plan was to smoke some reefer and blow off everything that I should do and do stuff I want to do.
I fell asleep. Opps.
And when I woke up my headache was worse than before.
I tried smoking more, I tried masturbation and currently I'm trying coffee. Maybe it's a caffeine thing.
So far... nothing is working.
I'm torn I want to get out of the house and do things (by things I mean one of two things, 1. going to the caldera 2. going to the terrorists) but I don't have the energy to move. The idea of showering and getting purdy to go up to the Caldera sounds kind of nauseating. Same with the Terrorists place. Though I don't need to get "purdy" to visit, human interaction just doesn't sound appealing, plus I think I need to force myself to have some solo time. Since watching Little T the amount of time I have to myself has rapidly dwindled and I fear if I don't force some on myself on occasion I might get a little grumpy after awhile. One thing I've learned that's actually kind of cool about getting older is the self awareness you develop and it's also kind of cool to be able to call my mom and have an actual conversation with her and be able to listen to the (awesome) advice that she gives without being all weird and defensive-ish and teenagery about it.
Okay.
My brain is still scrambled. (I was hoping the caffeine would kick in
and make me feel more motivated and less pukish.) That's not the case
so I'm gonna create a "todo" list then I'm gonna go take a shower and
then I'm going to go to bed.
Todo List 1. (Stuff I need to do before going to bed)
- Get both phones ready to be mailed out.
- Put all stuff I'm taking with me tomorrow in a pile some place easily seen.
- Attempt to pick up room a bit. If nausea is too intense forget it
- Take long shower, shave, exfoliate.
- Look up computers w/ Jolene's discount.
- Anything else I may think of that I've been putting off.
- Be out of the house by 7.55a
- Mail phones.
- Check Po Box.
- Get gas.
- Mail a resume or two.
- Possibly write out a cover letter for the Caldera.
- Finish picking out photo's for wall
- Possibly bring chosen photo files to WalGreens for printing.
I need to go take a shower.
Bye
I should be going to the post office right now.
I should be cleaning.
There's a thousand things I "should" be doing now that I have no kid, no work and in moments there will be no roommates around.
But instead of doing all the things I "should" be doing I'm going to do what I want to do. And apparently at the moment that's getting baked and blogging. Then later I'm probably gonna go masturbate, then even later than that I might go up to the Caldera and have some free drinks. (And possibly a Ruben) Or maybe I'll just pass out right here and sleep until 7am. That sounds good too.
No.
I can't sleep yet.
I need go make some coffee.
Little T is in the shower.
My bladder might blow.
I accidentally slept in this morning. Woke up to my phone ringing, it was the Terrorist. He called me at 8.15a. I'm generally here at 8am. Oops
So, I grabbed some clothes, threw them on on my way out the door and flew up here.
I really, really have to pee though, and I'm suffering from a major case of morning breath. I'm okay with them both as long as he caught the Max. IF he didn't... well I think he did so it doesn't matter.
What was I doing when I was making him late?
Dreaming of spiders.
No, not distant far off, exotic lands or romantic candlelit dinners followed by making out in the rain.
I was dreaming of fucking spiders!
To
see a spider in your dream, indicates that you are feeling like an
outsider in some situation. Or that you may want to keep your distance and
stay away from an alluring and tempting situation. The spider is
also symbolic of feminine power. Alternatively, a spider may refer to a
powerful force protecting you against your self-destructive
behavior. If you kill a spider, it symbolizes misfortune and general bad
luck.
Interesting. Very very interesting.
Wow, I'm sleepy. More so than usual.
Lesley got the latest David Sedaris book and she was supposed to let me read it when she finished it.
Apparently she's not done because I've been though two and a half books and I still haven't seen the one she's on.
Oh well.
My last read was this one:
This one is the one I'm currently reading. Given to me by Lesley to make me stop bugging her about the David Sedaris book.
(Actually this one and the previous one were both given to me by Lesley to keep me quiet.)
So far this book is about a million, zillion times better than I thought it was going to be. After reading so many of Lesley's books I'm noticing a trend, they tend to either have something to do with Twins or Mental illness... or both.
Oh Dear... I can't believe I'm admitting to this.
This one is my next read. As you can see from the cover it's probably not the most intellectual book I've ever read but the mechanic (one of my regulars at work) snagged it off one of the planes for me (it was left behind, wonder why?) I made the mistake of telling him I have been known to read the occasional cheesy romance novel. I'm going to give it 3 chapters, if I'm not totally consumed with it after 3 chapters I'm going to go back to bugging Lesley for the David Sedaris book.
I've wanted to sit down and talk to you about this in a rational way, but when you force the issue while chatting online we both end up pissed off which is what happened. I've eluded to the fact that I don't want to hang out at your place quite yet. Neutral ground would be best. I think I even used that phrase at one point. Awhile ago you asked me why I don't want to be friends with your girlfriend and my response was we need to talk about this some other time. (I was having a rough day and didn't feel like adding the fight that was bound to ensue onto my list of grievances for the day.)
It didn't even have to be an issue but when you told me I come between you and everyone you try to get close too I took it as a slap in the face. Do you not remember what happened with the others? Pretty much everyone (with maybe one exception) I have expressed a dislike in, has fucked you over in some way. It's like your friend said, you're too in love with with the idea of being in love, you're blinded by everything else.* I wont apologize for being concerned for your happiness especially when I know you're two blinded to see what's going on when it's going on.
This one may be different. I have my concerns, yes, but I always have my concerns when it regards you and relationships. I've seen your track record and because of it I worry. As of this moment I stop. You two can run away and end up in eternal bliss or she can rip your heart out and do the Mexican Hat Dance on it, either way it doesn't effect me.
Honestly, I think I'd get along well with her. She seems like a cool chick; but because of the aforementioned comment about me coming between you and your girls and the fact that not once in the 5 years that I've known you have you EVER attempted to play nice with any of my friends (for more than a moment or two), I feel like even though it's extremely juvenile I need to make some sort of stand. That's why I have purposely avoided going to your place. Or hanging out with you and her.
Not once, man. Five years. The more I think about it the more it bothers me. The only reason you ever agreed to meet the Terrorist was because you could score reefer off his roommates. If it wasn't for that I'm sure you would still have never met him.
I don't particularly mind that you have no desire to hang out with my friends. I know they're great (you included) I don't need your approval. What bothers me is that you have always tried to convince me to be friendly with your people. When you wont do the same with mine. There's nothing equal about that.
Instead of focusing so much on how you think I treat you compared to my other friends, why don't you focus on how you've been treating me. Take a step back, buddy. You always think I have the worse intentions for you. Which has never once been the case. Even when I'm so pissed at you I want to scream and run around in circles ripping my hair out. Do you think it's easy to be nice and always be willing to help someone out when you know next time they get a chance they're going to automatically think the worst of you? Oh yeah, and those times when you say I'm being a bitch toward you... Stop being so self centered, if I'm having a bad day, I can't always erase it and put on a smiling face so you wont think my mood is directed at you, be a friend, be supportive, don't be on the defense. (That's not to say there weren't times when I was actually being a bitch to you, because, well, it happens, I can be a moody person, but it takes one to know one.)
Now, you know I don't have your number and you know I can't call you. So if you don't hear from me for awhile don't assume it's because I don't want you be your friend anymore. I think we should start over in some weird corny way. But that's up to you darlin' the ball is in your court.
*I know it's not a direct quote but you get the idea so don't be commenting on the inaccuracy of it.
I got the news today.
When I got over to the Terrorist's house I saw it sitting on the counter and I figured the prognosis wasn't good. (He would have called me if it was good.)
My dear, sweet Zen...
Is officially dead.
I'm sad.
For many reasons but mainly because I had some awesome music on there that I don't think I have any place else. But it's okay, I can get more music.
What am I going to do for audible entertainment?!? I've tried going back to cd's but they're too delicate. I'm too rough. They get scratched then die.
I wasn't a huge fan of the Zen. When my iPod went missing I spent a lot of time deciding what kind of mp3 player I wanted to replace it with. My final two choices were another iPod and the Zen. I went with the Zen because the reviews on Cnet were better than the iPod reviews and it was a bit cheaper.
It's a good little machine but the usability of it was a bit... clunky. Not to mention the fact that it was a lot thicker than the iPod which always kind of bugged me.
Though, don't get me wrong. I am very sad it's dead. I have been through a lot with it and I wish we had more time together. Unfortunately that is not the case though. Our time together is over.
I guess I should hit up craigslist.org and ebay.com soon to start looking for replacements.
In the past week alone I have found:
1 new gray hair.
2 new WHITE eyebrow hairs.
1 gray pube.
I remember laughing at/joking with a friend that they were old because s/he was complaining about having found gray pubes. Ugh. This is no laughing matter. I feel the need to jump out of a plane or something to prove my youth.
I'm hungry! Why am I hungry...
Damn you Nathan!!! Damn you!!
I get my reefer from the Terrorist's neighbors.
They're medical, and have some extremely potent shit.
The last batch I got I started referring to it as "sleepy weed" because the shit would knock you out. I've gotten used to there strong reefer and I understand that it's more potent than they average plant but this shit would have me asleep and drooling before I could finish a sentence. Because of this it took me a LONG time to finish it. I'm not a heavy smoker at all, I generally go through about a gram in a week and that's if I have people helping me but this shit took me about a month to a month and a half to get through.
Anyway, I re-upped yesterday.
After "adult time night"* before I went down and talked to the roommies, got some for myself and some for Lesley. Last night I got home and decided I was going to have one of my old Saturday nights.
Reefer, blogging, masturbation.
In that order. (Generally)
It was good stuff, as always, but it started to knock me out again. I don't know if it's because it was late and I was sleepy already but I hope this isn't some more sleepy weed, cause if it is I'm gonna be sad. Though I have to say, it doesn't give me the Bake Over that "sleepy weed" did.
Though I'm completely sick of work I've decided to give it another month or so. Partially because rumor has it they're gonna make me Asst. Manager and partially because Little T will be starting school soon and I know the T has no other options for child care. Plus if Little T is in school all day that would give me days as an option for work. I could find a day bartending gig somewhere. That sounds nice. (As long as It's not too early in the day.) And who knows? Maybe I'll like the Asst. Manager thing? I doubt it, but stranger things have happened. I'm going to talk to my general manager about it tomorrow and basically lay it all out to her. How in Sept I intend to find another job and that could mean that I might just cut my hours or possibly quit all together and that I can't take the Asst. Manager thing unless my schedule stays the same. We'll see what she says.
Today is Alex's last day. That makes me sad. And not just because I LOVE working after her because she gets EVERYTHING done and I don't have to stress but because she's an awesome kid and I'm gonna miss her. We've decided that today to celebrate her last day (or something) we're going to drink Kahlua and Tit Milk**. (She's breast feeding and somehow we got on the conversation about drinking it, what had started as a joke somehow turned into an actual thing.) We were talking about steaming it up and making a Cafe au Tit Milk but we don't know how it's going to handle the steaming process so instead we decided to do it cold.
Okay, my laundry is done (and has been for a few minutes now) so I should go fold it, go home and clean up all the non-kid friendly shit I've had out, then get ready for work.
*Which was fabulous by the way and has also reminded me why I never really have drunk sex. Though drunk sex is fun and all; alcohol makes you have to pee and when one (such as myself) already has a bladder the size of a peanut adding alcohol into the mix will take what could be a marathon session and cut it in half with a "dude, you've really gotta stop, I'm gonna pee myself."
**If I can get into work early enough (which i doubt will happen) most likely it'll be Coffee and Tit Milk.
I've been meaning to get around to this for awhile now, but between work and kid care I just haven't had the time.
Last week, Wednesday I think, Nathan's mom had to put down one of there dogs. She was old and riddled with cancer and though they original plan was to let her pass naturally they realized that she was in too much pain for that so they decided to have her euthanized.
I know I have tons of pictures of her but for some reason I can't find a single one, I think the majority aren't on digital media and those that are have seem to gone missing.
She was a great dog! (If she liked you.) Almost always came when you told her too. I wish I could have gotten up there to say goodbye before they put her down.
I love ya Juba and I'm sure there's a big pooch in the sky waiting for you with some Chips Ahoy and Orange Juice.
It kind of cracks me up how my blog went from being filled with stories of my sexcapades to being filled with stories of what I did with the kid.
I'm okay with it, though.
Especially since Little T is going over to Grandpa T's house on Friday night and Big T and I are going to catch up on the sex we haven't been having.
Yay!
My head hurts. I woke up with a mild headache and though it hasn't gotten worse, it hasn't gotten any better either.
Today, is a nice day. We're gonna go to the library today and maybe the park. Maybe a picnic in the park, nah, that sounds a bit over ambitious. Oooh, and I need to go deposit my check and check my po box. A friend of mine from back home was supposed to send me a heating pad that her mom made me (she made me one years ago but I lost it last summer) and I just got an email from her saying she sent it about 3 weeks ago. I hope, I hope, I hope it's here!!
Okay, time to stop being a lazy ass and hop to it.
Ps. I talked to my mom the other day and apparently her and the aunts (at least 2 of the aunts maybe all 3) are going to come out here next summer. Plus I talked to Nathan and apparently he and the clan (Kathrine and Byron) are all planning on coming out here (moving out) next fall-ish. I guess the plan is that they're going to get a place in Portland and stay for the lease then at the end of it they'll be moving out here. (That's what the plan is, I'll believe it when I see it.)
Speaking of moving... the Terrorist kind of threw me a curve ball last night. Mentioned something about living together. It was only a mild surprise because last week when Nate was here he mentioned something about having "dibs" if Lesley moved out (I was joking that she'd be moving in with the boy I haven't given a nickname to yet.) Which as he said.. It would make life a lot easier. I would see him a whole hell of a lot more and I'd get the morning cuddle time that I now miss, plus I wouldn't have to get up at the ass-crack of dawn to shower and get up here by 8am* and though I'm not completely opposed to the idea I don't think convenience is a good reason to move in with someone.
* Ass-crack of dawn being 7-730a and "up here" being 5 blocks from my house... but still. :-)
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