5 posts tagged “apologized”

I've wanted to sit down and talk to you about this in a rational way, but when you force the issue while chatting online we both end up pissed off which is what happened.  I've eluded to the fact that I don't want to hang out at your place quite yet.  Neutral ground would be best.  I think I even used that phrase at one point.  Awhile ago you asked me why I don't want to be friends with your girlfriend and my response was we need to talk about this some other time.  (I was having a rough day and didn't feel like adding the fight that was bound to ensue onto my list of grievances for the day.)

It didn't even have to be an issue but when you told me I come between you and everyone you try to get close too I took it as a slap in the face.  Do you not remember what happened with the others?  Pretty much everyone (with maybe one exception) I have expressed a dislike in, has fucked you over in some way.  It's  like your friend said, you're too in love with with the idea of being in love, you're blinded by everything else.*  I wont apologize for being concerned for your happiness especially when I know you're two blinded to see what's going on when it's going on.

This one may be different.  I have my concerns, yes, but I always have my concerns when it regards you and relationships.  I've seen your track record and because of it I worry.  As of this moment I stop.  You two can run away and end up in eternal bliss or she can rip your heart out and do the Mexican Hat Dance on it, either way it doesn't effect me.

Honestly, I think I'd get along well with her.  She seems like a cool chick; but because of the aforementioned comment about me coming between you and your girls and the fact that not once in the 5 years that I've known you have you EVER attempted to play nice with any of my friends (for more than a moment or two), I feel like even though it's extremely juvenile I need to make some sort of stand.  That's why I have purposely avoided going to your place.  Or hanging out with you and her.
Not once, man.  Five years.  The more I think about it the more it bothers me.  The only reason you ever agreed to meet the Terrorist was because you could score reefer off his roommates.  If it wasn't for that I'm sure you would still have never met him.

I don't particularly mind that you have no desire to hang out with my friends.  I know they're great (you included) I don't need your approval.  What bothers me is that you have always tried to convince me to be friendly with your people.  When you wont do the same with mine.  There's nothing equal about that.

Instead of focusing so much on how you think I treat you compared to my other friends, why don't you focus on how you've been treating me.  Take a step back, buddy.  You always think I have the worse intentions for you.  Which has never once been the case.  Even when I'm so pissed at you I want to scream and run around in circles ripping my hair out.  Do you think it's easy to be nice and always be willing to help someone out when you know next time they get a chance they're going to automatically think the worst of you?  Oh yeah, and those times when you say I'm being a bitch toward you...  Stop being so self centered, if I'm having a bad day, I can't always erase it and put on a smiling face so you wont think my mood is directed at you, be a friend, be supportive, don't be on the defense.  (That's not to say there weren't times when I was actually being a bitch to you, because, well, it happens, I can be a moody person, but it takes one to know one.)

Now, you know I don't have your number and you know I can't call you.  So if you don't hear from me for awhile don't assume it's because I don't want you be your friend anymore.  I think we should start over in some weird corny way.  But that's up to you darlin' the ball is in your court. 

*I know it's not a direct quote but you get the idea so don't be commenting on the inaccuracy of it.

Disclaimer:  Stoned bloging... yada yada yada

I was going to rant and rave and bitch about Christopher pissing me off this evening/morning but not it doesn't seem that important.  He pissed me off, he'll apologzie or we'll both get over it, life will move on then later on he'll piss me off again, he'll apologize or we'll both get over it... and the cycle will continue... forever and ever.  So there's no use wasting space going over the details... the end result will always be the same. 

It's cold.

I'm hungry.  Right now, there is a cheesecake sitting in the Terrorists freezer.  I wish I had a cheesecake sitting in my freezer.  Or I wish I was sitting in the Terrorist's freezer.  Though, that'd be a little cold.  I'm sitting in my living-room and it's fucking cold as shit in here

Wow.  This has been a very uneventful post and now it's over because I keep falling asleep and it's pissin me off so I'm going to go crawl into bed and pass the fuck out.

 

Dear Uterus, 

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve written to you and for that I apologize.  Honestly, I haven’t written you anything lately because I thought you stopped caring.  You haven’t listened (or at least responded) to any of the correspondences I’ve sent to you begging and pleading for you to bleed.  Though I will say you have held up your end of the deal we made many years ago and have yet to ever become a home to any fetus’s (feti?) for that I am eternally grateful.  I have to ask though…   why the rebellious stage? 

  I’ve come to accept that I can’t in anyway begin to even think about planning for when I might get my period.  It’s just not possible.  I’m learning to accept it.  I’ll survive.  What I want to know is; why are you messing with my hormones so much lately?!?!  For the most part I can handle it; it’s not that big of a deal.  But seriously there’s no need for me to be “creamin’ my jeans” when I’m trying to shut down the restaurant, none!   What the hell? 

Thank you.  I appreciate you taking time out of your busy hormone raging, never bleeding, cramp causing schedule to read this.

Megan

I was up until 5am, hit the 4 page mark and still am not done with the letter to my dad.  I was going to get up early and continue it but I saved it on Lesley's computer, not my USB drive and she took her computer to school today.  Oh well.

My Week in Bullets...

• Had the conversation with The T (see "2 out of 3 ain't bad...)  It didn't go like planned, mainly because I'm incapable of adult relationships due to my lack of  adult communication skills.  More or less I said that I will probably back off because so much time together is causing "emotions" said "emotions" were thankfully left undefined.
• Proceeded to spend the next 4 nights there.  I don't wanna back off.  I like him, I like hanging out with him, so fuck it.
• Helped him take care of some shit going on with his kid which involved driving to Hillsboro, hanging out in a court house, sitting outside the court house (getting a great tan), doing lots of dishes, providing moral support, drinking beer, partaking in BBQ activities, cleaning his fridge (and defending him to his dad when his dad started to give him shit about me being the one cleaning the fridge... it's SOOO shiny now!), laying on his back roof and getting more of a tan.  Granted these things obviously aren't all exactly related to the Little T crisis but they all happened within the same 48 hour period.
• Fought with Chris.
• Fought with Chris some more.
• Met the Ogre.
• Hung out with the Skinhead (my neighbor)*
  
• Was told by 3 people (Terrorist, Lesley and Nathan) to not sleep with the Skinhead.  (Do ya'll actually think just because I talked to him means I'm going to fuck him???  Common people give me some credit!!)
  
• Didn't see Lesley for awhile.
• Actually went over 24 hours without phone, text or visual contact from Miss. Lesley.
• Started getting along with the 19 year old supervisor.  She's a good kid, if somewhat young and inexperienced.
• My manager has basically told me she loves me and asks me every day if I like my job... I feel like an ass every time I lie to her face and say... "Yes, I do"
• Pissed the 19 year old supervisor off, took the adult route, apologized, promised to work on the thing that pissed her off.
  
• Payed Lesley about 1/2 of what I owe her.
• Payed my mom about 1/440 of what I owe her. 
  
• Decided that I'm going to stop being so cheap and get my coochie waxed.  Yay! For Coochie Waxing!!  I can't wait!
  

I think that's more or less it.  Okay, that's not true but that's all I can think of at the moment.  I'm at the Red Square and they're playing Christmas Music.  Blech.  It's fucking May!!
I'm gonna go send out a resume or two and then possibly go lay out on my front lawn.

*His skinhead ties aren't exactly known at this point but he has a swastika on his right tricep and therefore we have dubbed him "the skinhead"

Strangest thing.
I think I'm craving Taco Bell.
I've been to Taco Bell once.
And that was solely because the Terrorist was amazed that I'd never been.  So he broke my Taco Bell virginity.

Moving on...
I'm guessing the T read my last post about being hungry and wanting SW Taco stand tacos 'cause he sent me a Text  about Taco Bell being 24/7.  Which was sweet and all but taco bell isn't something I really think of when I think tacos.  At least that's what I thought.  Somehow, in the past hour or so my craving has morphed into a taco bell craving. 
Fucked up.
I wish Lesley would fucking call me back!

I just spent an hour or two cleaning my room.  Granted it's not what I would call "clean" it's much better than it was.  Though I am contemplating sleeping on the couch because my bed it covered in shit, as is Lesley's and her silence makes me think she's cozying up to a boy and that said boy could end up here tonight...and apparently 3 is a crowd.  So I'll just sleep on the couch and be lazy and not clean my bed off.

Chris has been hanging out with the Ogre more and more lately.   When confronted if she was his "girlfriend" there really was no response other than a grin and a quick change of subject.  However, I do believe that the Ogre is very rapidly becoming the new girlfriend.  This phenomenon I have mixed feelings on.  I wont go into that though. 
I'm a tad bit miffed with him at the moment actually. 
Since Chris has lived here I've used his computer for Internet, it has a better wi-fi card and tends to get a more reliable signal.  From what I can tell he doesn't mind that I do this. 

The problem?
Tonight when I got home there was a page of craigslist apartment listings up.  No big deal.  Until I realized that it was a one bedroom apartment and about $200 more than the rooms he's been looking for. 
I will pause here to admit that I have a tendency to jump to conclusions.  So, while there could be a very good very logical explanation it's one that hasn't occurred to me and considering I know Chris fairly well my immediate reaction was that he's thinking about moving in with the Ogre.   Which is stupid on so many levels I don't think he could be that silly. 
The part I'm miffed about is that when I went to log into myspace she was logged in. 
I've never met this girl.
But yet she's been in my house when neither Lesley nor I were here.
AND
If it weren't for seeing the myspace thing I don't think I ever would have known.
I text-ed him and let him know I was a little peeved and he apologized and everything but I think it might take me a bit to get over this one.  When in a situation with a friend and I'm not sure if I am reacting appropriately I often try to flip the situation.  How would they feel if I did it to them?  And I know for a fact, without a doubt, that Chris would flip his shit. (Is that even a saying?)
I feel like I violated his privacy or something though.  Because of the myspace thing.  It's not like I was snooping.  I was trying to check my messages.  I feel guilty though.
Damn Catholic families!!!

Lesley is home.  We're catching up. 
This would be so much better with pho.

I think I need to go to bed.