7 posts tagged “bleed”

Dear Uterus,

You're so close.  I can tell you want to.

Don't let me down now!! 

I expect this to be long, painful and just generally hellish.  I'm okay with that.  Granted that doesn't mean I'm not going to bitch and possibly lash out unexpectedly at people.  It's okay.  I can deal with damage control.  6-7 months is too long to go without shedding. 

I'm going to go to bed.  If you feel the need to wake me up in the middle of the night... that's cool, whatever you want. 

It's time for spring cleaning.

Love you lots,

Megan

Your Host. 

I knew it was going to, too. 

From the moment I woke up I knew I should have just stayed in bed.  Shut the alarm off, roll over and go back to sleep.  My insane, idealistic self wouldnt let me do it.  Being the freakish optimist I tend to be, I figured it was all in my head and climbed out of bed.

The day just started shitty.  I was in a bad mood and tired and yada yada yada.  I went out to smoke with Chris and that's when my landlord asked me about the broken screen.*  I told him Lesley got locked out.  ('Cause I don't think we're supposed to have squatters without his okay.)  Then he continued to question me about it.  Not that big of a deal... but crappy nonetheless. 

The bad vibes then felt it was time for Christopher and I to have a fight.  (A big, blowout, kind of fight.)  Chris has been staying here for about a month and a half.  Now that Shaz is staying here too the house is getting a bit crowded.  Somewhere along the line I decided that I would tell Chris that he's gotta find a new place in two weeks or start paying rent.  (He's offered before but my theory was that he'd find a place faster if he saved his money to move instead of paying us.)  I have a hard time talking with Chris about anything serious because I don't know how he's going to react to things.  This is a problem I've always had and will probably continue to have.  Anyway, he was fine with the actual two week thing but it moved on to more shit.  Deeper more emotionally related and draining shit.  That... that was exhausting. 

Oh boy did I cry.  And cry.  And cry.  I haven't cried like that in a while.  Now, in all fairness it wasn't just because of the argument he and I got into, there was just a lot of built up shit in my head and this was the catalyst that set me off. 

(I hear a train.)

So yeah, I cried and cried then showered then cried some more.  By then it was time for me to stop the self pity train and get ready because the Terrorist was going to be stopping by.

We ended up going up to his place where we ended up having couch sex.  Then the condom broke.  Fuck.  Big fuck.  Big, double, shit, goddamn, ahhhhhhhh, FUCK!!!   He and I have deduced that because my girly parts are so fucked up the actual possibility of me being fertile is probably pretty fucking low. 

Which is true.. but I'm still a bit worried and will be until I start bleeding.

The bad vibes then followed me to work.  Though nothing big happened there were a bunch of little irritating things such as...

1. Got there late... And for no reason 'cause I left the Terrorist's house 5 mins before I normally leave mine.
2. The shuttle I was on going to the airport almost went off the road.
3. I bent 3 nails all at once.  (I bent them WAY down toward the nail bed... it hurt!!)
4. When I got there barely anything was done
5. There were more but my brain is tired and remembering hurts. 

It's just been a crappy day.  I hope tomorrow goes better. 

Which, if we're being technical and saying that "today" is June 2nd and "tomorrow" is June 3rd then tomorrow is going much better.  So far on June 3rd I've...  (I'm liking lists tonight)

1. I got home to Lesley passed out but in the kitchen was a plate wrapped in a paper-towel with a note that said "EAT ME" on it.  Inside... Blueberry Pancakes!!
2. I found out the name of the Artist for this song I LOVE but couldn't for the life of me figure out who did it!  I figured it out!!!
3. Chris found a HUGE, really really nice monitor on his walk home tonight.  And... IT WORKS!!  (Granted that doesn't really affect me other than being envious as all hell I think it's some sort of proof that the cosmos are swinging in the direction of good things.)
4. On the way home from work I was behind a car with a bumper sticker that said "I'm only speeding because I really have to POOP."

*Shaz got locked out the other night.  Lesley was at the boy I haven't given a nickname to yet's house and I was at the Terrorists place so Shaz broke the screen and climbed in the window.

Disclaimer:  There will be a lot of girlie issue's talked about in this post.  So if you can't handle hearing about periods... don't fucking read it.

It's been about 5 months since my last period. 
5 fucking months! 

I want to scream.
I'm not pregnant. 
My periods have always been irregular.  And I've actually gone longer than this between them but since I started keeping track last summer this is by far the longest.
Recently I've been commenting to my friends how I have never wanted to start my period as much as I do now.  NEVER.  Even during pregnancy scares.

This next one... is going to be a bitch.  To say the least.

I'm pretty sure I'm pms-ing. 
I can see no other reason why I would cry 3 times today.
3 times people!!! 

I fear the next few weeks are going to be hellish.  Though that sucks.. a lot.  I'm okay with the crazy hormones and random water works and having my friends think I've turned into a crazy psycho bitch from hell. 
As long as I actually get my fucking period.

Some days I hate my uterus.
Today is one of those days.

Dear Uterus,

Fuck you.
No one likes a tease. 
So fucking stop it. 
Just let go, bleed, all will be right in the world again.

Thank you,
Your Host.

The hormones are raging... I'm pissy and happy and cranky and silly and just generally moody.

Yep. 

I'm gonna start my period.

It's a mostly good thing.  I mean, it's always good that I start my period because the alternative is just something I'm not quite ready to deal with.  Aside from that it's also good because I'd rather get it over with now and not be bleeding when I'm driving because having to stop every few hours to change my tampon would REALLY put a dent in the time I make.

But it's bad because... well because it makes me... for lack of better word... Goopy. 

I don't like being goopy.  When I'm goopy I think that song lyrics like these apply to me sooo accurately...

All my life I've been searching for somethin'
Somethin' never comes, never leads to nuthin'
Nothin' satisfies, but I'm getting close
Closer to the prize at the end of the rope  - Foo Fighters

or

When she woke in the morning
she knew that her life had passed her by.
And she called out a warning,
"Don't ever let life pass you by."  - Incubus

But... I KNOW that I'm being goopy.  And I also know that these same hormones which make me goopy and evoke a certain longing are the same hormones which are going to cause me to want to punch everyone in the face in a few days.

So... I'm going to try to ignore them.  And I'm going to try to remember that even though I may really totally and completely want to cuddle up with some cute boys and do forever-ish things with him it's this same boy that'll most likely drive me to the verge of homicide a few months down the road.

Right?

And Chucky is annoyed with his wife.

Why, why, why, why can't my uterus ever behave like a normal uterus? 

I have yucky cramps.  And someone stole my fucking heating pad.  Yeah... that's right... my ipod, my heating pad and my hair brush all all fucking missing.  I can understand someone stealing my ipod but why would someone steal my hairbrush or my heating pad?!?! 

I have tomorrow off.  I had plans but now they're not happening. 

I miss my normal Thursdays.

Fuck You Uterus!!

I need to go get ready to leave work.

Dear Uterus...

You're a bitch. 

Your Host.