54 posts tagged “chris”

I can't sleep.
 
I don't know why I can't sleep because all fucking day I've wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and take a nice long nap.  Now, it's 2am, I've been in bed for two hours watching a chick flick (which I was supposed to fall asleep during) and after the tears, nose blowing and the "Awwww... I want my life to be like that movie" thoughts... I'm just not feeling the sleep come.*  Yuck. 

Nate got here yesterday.  Since then he's more or less seen every place I've worked/lived since I landed in Portland 2 years ago.  It's been fun.  Tomorrow we're going to do Saturday Market and then I need to work (which sucks, but I think Nate is okay with me not being around to drag him to different places for awhile.)

Yesterday we hung out with the Terrorist for awhile.  I always worry about my friends meeting each other because of the worlds colliding effect.  It's very nerve wracking.  It's worse when it's someone you're dating.  Before now the only boyfriend of mine Nathan had ever met was Chris and well... that went about as badly as possible.  (Maybe not as badly as possible but in the 2.5 years that Chris and I were together I think he and Nate said maybe 50 sentences to each other.)  So, needless to say, when Nate was about to meet the T I was kind of having a minor freak out.  Nathan, the boy(i) who knows the old me, the me I don't like to admit ever existed was meeting the boy who knows very little if anything about that me.  Ugh.  What if they talked?!?!  (Slightly irrational, I know, but pieces of the old me still can be found deep down and occasionally the paranoid, self conscious bitch shows up.)
Anyway, they met, hung out, drank a bit and though my worlds did collide a bit they didn't implode.  Yay.

I need to go get in the shower.**
Latah. 

*Nathan on the other hand is passed out cold and has been for quite some time.  (Possibly drooling even, though you didn't hear it from me.)
**I finally got the sleepies in the middle of blogging last night so I saved and went to bed and picked it up this morning.

It's hot today, again.
Oh well.  I'm tough, I can handle it. 
I really want to go swimming though.

Stayed at the T's last night. 
Got up early because of it.  Did laundry so far and I'd like to clean my room or the living room or something before I get ready for work.

I want some white Christmas lights.
It's cheesy and a tad high school-ish but I think they make great ambient lighting.  Well, at least good (and cheap) ambient lighting.  I'm tired of my room not being mine.  I never really personalized it when I moved in, then Chris moved and I just didn't bother to try because there was his stuff in there. 
He's moving out today or tomorrow. 
It's mine again.
I want to make it pretty.  Wonder where I can find white Christmas lights in July?

Lesley says Wal*mart.  I don't know if they'd have them this time of year. 
I decided the other day that I'm not going to shop there anymore. 
I think I might make one last farewell trip. 
Maybe.

Disclaimer:  Stoned bloging... yada yada yada

I was going to rant and rave and bitch about Christopher pissing me off this evening/morning but not it doesn't seem that important.  He pissed me off, he'll apologzie or we'll both get over it, life will move on then later on he'll piss me off again, he'll apologize or we'll both get over it... and the cycle will continue... forever and ever.  So there's no use wasting space going over the details... the end result will always be the same. 

It's cold.

I'm hungry.  Right now, there is a cheesecake sitting in the Terrorists freezer.  I wish I had a cheesecake sitting in my freezer.  Or I wish I was sitting in the Terrorist's freezer.  Though, that'd be a little cold.  I'm sitting in my living-room and it's fucking cold as shit in here

Wow.  This has been a very uneventful post and now it's over because I keep falling asleep and it's pissin me off so I'm going to go crawl into bed and pass the fuck out.

Wow.

This has been the laziest weekend I've had in awhile. 
I haven't done anything that's productive... at all.

Today...
I smoked pot.
Talked to Nathan for 3 hours.
Laid in the Sun
Played online
   -Tried to find "Tentacle Porn" online.  Had a few good leads but because Chris's computer doesn't have Java or flash  
    or whatever I couldn't actually see anything.  Bummer.
   -Read The Over Educated Nympho's blog (I love her... she's awesome)
   -Read a very in-depth How To on the art of Fellatio and Cunnilingus.

That's more or less it.  I picked up the Terrorist and am now killing time while he showers.

Oh yeah... CHRIS AND THE OGRE FOUND A PLACE.   YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!! 
Super Cool!  Yay!  One down and one to go!!!

Okay, boy is out of the shower.  I'm gonna go.

Ps.  21 days until Nate get's here.  Woohoo!

Disclaimer: My vagina is not happy.  I'm stoned.  Lets use some deductive reasoning to figure out that because of these two things, combined with the fact that I am blogging means there's going to be probably some details you don't wanna hear about.  Unless you're a sick, nosey muthah fucka.  But hey... it takes one to know one.

Chris got home not too long ago.  While wandering around collecting things for a shower he noticed my subject line and said something about the Dead.  Though it is a Dead line I'm not actually listening to the Dead.  I'm listening to Sublime.  Then after a brief conversation I realized that I TOTALLY need to listen to some music I haven't listened to in awhile.

Chris is laughing and I have a sneaking suspicion it's at me.

Anyway... I ran in, got my CD book and in mere moments I'm gonna be jamming out to tunes of my past.  That reminds me, the other day when I was getting ready for work Lesley informed me that she's never met anyone who rocks out while getting ready as much as I do.  What an awesome compliment!!

Update... Though it took some work I finally got Cd's playing.  Though good, so far this experience isn't as magical as I thought it would be.  That's alright, I've got a bunch of Cd's, I'll find something that hits the spot.

Work last night was... eh.  I worked with my general manager.  Which is cool because she's salaried and doesn't get a cut of the tips which means I got them all.  Though I haven't actually counted them I had to of made $20-$25.  Which is unheard of for that place.  Working with the GM wasn't actually a bowl of cherries but she did inform me that I'm going to be getting a $.75/hr raise effective July 1st and she's getting the uppers that I should be considered for Asst. Manager.  Though I don't think that sounds like a great idea because I'm not really into Management it's awesome that she thinks that.  There's nothing open at the moment but considering there are 5 stores and they basically have disposable employees it's something that could happen before too long.  I'd rather find something serving some place else.  I've kind of given up on the job hunting thing until after Nate leaves.
(Finally... got to the awesome song on this Cd!  There's some hardcore rock-age going on over here.)

Went over to the Terrorist's house last night after work.  Which normally doesn't happen on weeknights because he has to be at work at 9am but the past few nights exceptions have been made.  I feel bad though.  He's loosing sleep, two nights ago, I was at the door for 5 or 10 minutes knocking and ringing the bell 'cause he had dozed off and could barely keep his eyes open once I was inside.  (It was really cute, though.)  Then again I'm loosing sleep as well, kind of and he is the one who suggests it.  (I'm trying to talk myself out of feeling guilty, for some reason when I dropped the Catholic religion the guilt part of it felt the need to hang on and occasionally* rear it's irritating head.)

I think my boobs are shrinking.  I've been slowly dropping a few pounds here and there over the past... whatever.  Cool!  Actually awesome!  But I don't really want that weight to come from my boobs.  The reason I think my boobs are shrinking is because I often store things in my bra... Money, phone, Mp3 player, lighter, bowl... ya know... the necessities.  Twice this week, stuff has fallen out.  I don't think my tata's are taking up the same amount of space therefore the "stuff" isn't as secure as it normally is.  That's crap.

My vagina. 
I don't think I'll ever understand the vagina.  It's kind of a parent/child type relationship.  I love it dearly and can't imagine my life without it but I just don't get why it does what it does.
I thought I had another case of the broken va jay jay.  Started garlic treatment then I realized I was starting my period.  Then it occurred to me that in the past I used to get the symptoms of the broken va jay jay around my period, so i figured it was just a slight imbalance cause of the changing environment.  That's cool and all but there was something still not right that's when I realized that there were little cuts or skin tears.  (Sounds worse than it is...though don't get me wrong it's not entirely pain free.)  I have no clue what the fuck this is from.  I mean, the T and I aren't exactly gentle but there hasn't been anything lately that would cause this.  Tres Weird.  Oh well, it's mostly gone away.

My Uterus.
Is fucking with me.  That's the only explanation I have.  I finally started my period.  I think it's really weird that I start shortly after having a broken condom incident which is the first example that it's fucking with me.  The second is that I'm not practically hemorrhaging.  It's been 7 months.  There's gotta be a lotta shit that needs to be cleaned out but nope, it;s a nice light "normal" period.  Actually it's lighter than normal.  I haven't be doubled over from cramps or nausea.  It's all very weird to me but I'm totally okay with it.  Last time I went this long between periods I could barely walk my cramps were so bad and at one point I woke up (at Nates) and actually thought I was hemorrhaging or miss-carrying an unknown fetus.  

I've always kind of viewed my uterus as a sort of subconscious.  It's the part of me that wants to get married and have babies and do all that "normal" or "typical" stuff.  Maybe that's why it gets so pissy sometimes, because I constantly fight to push those feelings away.  I've gotta work on that.  It's okay to want those things in fact, it's very normal to want those things...right?

Fuck, it's almost 2p.  I have been screwing around online for like 5 hours.  HOLY FUCK.  I need to go smoke a bit more then shower.  It's gonna be a good one! But first, I need to find a good shower cd!  :-)
 
*By "occasionally" I mean all the fricken time.

Apparently, I'm a blanket hog. 

Well, I guess it has to be said that I'm not all that surprised by this, but I do feel a little bad. 

Woke up this morning at the Terrorist's house.  Did the morning post coital chit chat in bed thing and after mentioning how great I slept it was announced that he was up several times through out the night.  Kept waking up freezing... because I had all the blankets.  Oops.

Of the past few people I've shared a sleeping space with my blanket hogginess has never lead to feelings of guilt, because of one or more reasons...  With Lesley, it's just not an issue because her bed is so fricken big that there's a major excess of bed space and blanket space.  Chris, well, he's such a freakin bed hog that I don't really feel guilty if he doesn't get any blankets because he's got the entire freakin bed.  Nathan is in the same boat. Along with his need to have the entire bed, he's also a blanket stealer... so the few times I get the covers... if anything, I feel accomplished.

The Terrorist, though, he's a very courteous sleeper.  Doesn't try to claim the entire bed as his own (even though it is), doesn't steal blankets, I've never woken up with a knee or elbow in the back or face.  The other day, I couldn't sleep, woke up in the middle of the night.  When I went back to bed 3 hours later he was sprawled out in the middle of the bed.  Not really much room for me on either side.  (This has happened with Nathan before and I either have to physically push him as hard as I can, or sleep on the floor.)  I briefly thought about sleeping on the couch but figured I'd at least see how he repsonded when I started to crawl into bed.  I barely touched the bed and he moved over to his side, waited for me to get adjusted then moved into spooning postion.  I'm not sure if he was awake or not but if he wasn't that was very impressive.

I think what makes me feel so bad about this is that there is nothing I can do about it.  I'm not consciences while thieving blankets, I don't purposuly try to freeze him out at night. 

Maybe I should start going to bed in a parka and wool socks. 

I woke up this morning around 6am feeling completely shitty. 

Puked.  Then felt worse.

Puked again, felt better.

Went to bed... now I'm slightly nauseated but mostly hungry.

What the fuck is up with that?  I hope I'm not getting a stomach bug.

I think I need to go be productive.  I need to get some food here and clean a bit. 

No one is home.  That's weird.  Generally someone is always here.  I feel like running around naked or something.  But I wont.  Chris is gonna be here soon.  I really wanna go lay out.  Just hang out outside and soak up some sun... but the Skinhead is outside and I don't feel like making conversation and the fact that it's 56 degress out is a slight deterrant as well. 

I think I should just be productive inside...

I knew it was going to, too. 

From the moment I woke up I knew I should have just stayed in bed.  Shut the alarm off, roll over and go back to sleep.  My insane, idealistic self wouldnt let me do it.  Being the freakish optimist I tend to be, I figured it was all in my head and climbed out of bed.

The day just started shitty.  I was in a bad mood and tired and yada yada yada.  I went out to smoke with Chris and that's when my landlord asked me about the broken screen.*  I told him Lesley got locked out.  ('Cause I don't think we're supposed to have squatters without his okay.)  Then he continued to question me about it.  Not that big of a deal... but crappy nonetheless. 

The bad vibes then felt it was time for Christopher and I to have a fight.  (A big, blowout, kind of fight.)  Chris has been staying here for about a month and a half.  Now that Shaz is staying here too the house is getting a bit crowded.  Somewhere along the line I decided that I would tell Chris that he's gotta find a new place in two weeks or start paying rent.  (He's offered before but my theory was that he'd find a place faster if he saved his money to move instead of paying us.)  I have a hard time talking with Chris about anything serious because I don't know how he's going to react to things.  This is a problem I've always had and will probably continue to have.  Anyway, he was fine with the actual two week thing but it moved on to more shit.  Deeper more emotionally related and draining shit.  That... that was exhausting. 

Oh boy did I cry.  And cry.  And cry.  I haven't cried like that in a while.  Now, in all fairness it wasn't just because of the argument he and I got into, there was just a lot of built up shit in my head and this was the catalyst that set me off. 

(I hear a train.)

So yeah, I cried and cried then showered then cried some more.  By then it was time for me to stop the self pity train and get ready because the Terrorist was going to be stopping by.

We ended up going up to his place where we ended up having couch sex.  Then the condom broke.  Fuck.  Big fuck.  Big, double, shit, goddamn, ahhhhhhhh, FUCK!!!   He and I have deduced that because my girly parts are so fucked up the actual possibility of me being fertile is probably pretty fucking low. 

Which is true.. but I'm still a bit worried and will be until I start bleeding.

The bad vibes then followed me to work.  Though nothing big happened there were a bunch of little irritating things such as...

1. Got there late... And for no reason 'cause I left the Terrorist's house 5 mins before I normally leave mine.
2. The shuttle I was on going to the airport almost went off the road.
3. I bent 3 nails all at once.  (I bent them WAY down toward the nail bed... it hurt!!)
4. When I got there barely anything was done
5. There were more but my brain is tired and remembering hurts. 

It's just been a crappy day.  I hope tomorrow goes better. 

Which, if we're being technical and saying that "today" is June 2nd and "tomorrow" is June 3rd then tomorrow is going much better.  So far on June 3rd I've...  (I'm liking lists tonight)

1. I got home to Lesley passed out but in the kitchen was a plate wrapped in a paper-towel with a note that said "EAT ME" on it.  Inside... Blueberry Pancakes!!
2. I found out the name of the Artist for this song I LOVE but couldn't for the life of me figure out who did it!  I figured it out!!!
3. Chris found a HUGE, really really nice monitor on his walk home tonight.  And... IT WORKS!!  (Granted that doesn't really affect me other than being envious as all hell I think it's some sort of proof that the cosmos are swinging in the direction of good things.)
4. On the way home from work I was behind a car with a bumper sticker that said "I'm only speeding because I really have to POOP."

*Shaz got locked out the other night.  Lesley was at the boy I haven't given a nickname to yet's house and I was at the Terrorists place so Shaz broke the screen and climbed in the window.

Let me just say that smoking a bowl with a box of matches isn't as appealing as one might think.

I really need to do something about my laziness.  I'm too lazy to get up and go get a lighter so I'm using matches. 

Chris just got home.  He's been staying at the Ogres a lot lately.  Haven't seen him in a few days actually which normally isn't that big of a deal because I'm at the T's house and we just miss each other in passing, but I've been home the past day or two.  Anyway... according to his myspace profile he's "In a Relationship"  which means things with the Ogre are getting serious.  Good for him!  I have my reservations about it but I'll keep my mouth shut. I wanted to remain sober so I could talk to him about whats going on without being baked because my brain can't function enough to have serious conversations while on the pot.  He got here.  We had our conversation, it didn't exactly go the way I wanted it too but I guess that's okay.  He's looking for a place with the Ogre.  (Can I call it? or can I call it?!)  Anyway, hopefully they'll find a place soon.  I can't handle 4 people living in a 2 bedroom.  I hate overly crowded apartments.  This is why I haven't lived* with more than one person since I was 21.  Shaz is staying here for the month.  If she makes it that long.  I think Lesley might kick her out before then.  She's pay rent, which is cool.  But it worries me because she's not the most respectful girl in the world.  I worry that shit with go missing or things will get broken with her around. 

The point that I was getting to is that the conversation has been had and now I get to smoke.  Got to smoke.  Have smoked.   Whatever. 

Matches suck.

The Terrorist starts working at the airport tomorrow.  That's weird.  The Terrorist is working at the airport. I thought the goal was to keep Terrorist's out of the airports.  What's even better?  He's going to be working in the secured section.  It's awesome how easily he got the job.  A friend of his works at the same place and put in a good word and boom! he was in.  He also got a schedule which fit exactly what he needed.  Granted, I kind of think it sucks because it involves him getting out of work an hour before I go into work, which means I probably wont see him again... ever.  I can't say I like that but it works wonderfully for what he needs and me whining wouldn't fix anything so what's the point?  Oh well, I'm sure it'll work out.

I think I need to go to bed.  It's 3am and I need to get up early tomorrow to clean.  And deposit my check.  And pay rent.  And possibly go get my mail.  Maybe pho.  Definitely need to clean. 

Oh my goodness.  I have a huge thing on the back of my head.  It's gross.  Lesley had one on her head.  My coworkers seem to think it's a bug bite.  It can't be though, it's huge!!

Now I'm really going to bed.

* By "lived" I mean payed rent at a place.

By the best friend. 
So she could get breakfast with the boy I haven't given a nickname to yet.

Fuck.  I so thought he was out of the picture but he's come back full force.  Douche bag.

I really really really wanted to yell at her.  Mainly because I was really looking forward to getting pho with her today but also because she ditched me for a boy.  Ho's before bro's!

I don't really have a right to bitch though.  It's my karma coming back to bite me in the ass.  I did it to Nathan when Chris and I were together, and I know how nice it is to hang out with a boy who makes you smile so I wont freak out on her, that and the fact that if I even yell a little she'll start beating herself up WAY to much. 

It worries me though.  Things seem to be great and dandy and fine when she's with him but when she's not she feels all yucky and insane and she can't function well when she's by herself.  She needs to learn how to do that.  And she needs to go back to her therapist. 

Side Note:  I by no means have any right to talk about my roommates "issues."  I am pretty fucked up in my own little way and the fact that I pretend to know what's best for her is laughable.  Having said that... everything IS a lot clearer from the outside looking in.