What's your definition of home?
Submitted by NayNay72

I've developed an amazing ability to make myself at home where ever I am.  (Ask anyone I may have stayed with over the past year or two.)  I blame it on the semipermanent state of couch surfing I was in for about a year to a year and a half. 

Having said that, I am a strong believer that home is where the heart is.  Home is the place where you want to go when everything is all fucked up.  It's where you feel safe. 

It seems like more and more everyday my home is becoming Oregon. 

I love it here.

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Where did the music go?

Anyway..  Last night I had an objective.  That objective was to tidy up my room (if only a bit) before I left for work today.  I've got three hours until I should start getting ready.  Hopefully I'll stop procrastinating soon.  Hopefully.

I found the music.  It was in my bag, but now it's in my head.  And it's great.

The 19-year-old-supervisor is up to her old hi-jinks.  I didn't get out of work until 12.20a last night.  It wasn't busy enough for me to get out that late.  She's a good kid, and I like working with her but her priorities are a little fucked up at times.  There's no need to start dismantling and cleaning the sauce pumps at 930p.  Even if she felt this was really necessary... fine, but let someone else actually clean them.  She's OCD-ish and is WAY to fucking thorough (and slow) about it. 

About 10 minutes after I realized that she wasn't going to kick it into high gear I got an unexpected drunk text from the Terrorist.  It gave me warm fuzzy's, which I haven't had in awhile, so that mellowed me out a bit and kept me from killing the 19-year-old-supervisor. 

I have cigarette/coffee mouth.  I haven't been smoking though.  That's weird.  Oh, I have smoked a bit of pot but would that actually give me "cigarette" mouth?  Weird.

Nathan is going to be here in 17 days.  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got home last night and the house was BEAUTIFUL!!!  A big ol' Kudos to Shaz for cleaning.  Granted it's an interesting cleaning method she uses, it still looks really good.  Speaking of cleaning.  I'm TOTALLY still procrastinating.  It's 11.30a.  I should go attack my room...

Maybe I'll get on that.  Or maybe I'll read my book.

Speaking of which...

This is my current read.

Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers

Mary Roach

It's AWESOME.  So far it's covered, medical research, auto-safety and gun safety.  A few different searches for the soul, decapitation, the legal definition of "death", grave robbing and a bunch of other shit.  It's hilarious if somewhat morbid.

Okay I'm off to be productive. 

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I'm very pissed off at this computer/IE even though it's probably most likely Operator Error.  If the touch pad didn't have that thingy I wouldn't have made the freakin' error!!  Anyway, I had a nice longish post (long enough that I'm really pissed I lost it) and now it's gone.

Its subject matter went something like this.

Disclaimer:  I was disclaiming that I was stoned and blogging and not to get pissed off if I said something that offended you because I warned you and you'd have no right to bitch.  I also threw in something about how the potency of marijuana has gone up like 10% or something in the past year.  The white house did a study.

The next paragraph contained bits of rambling regarding a movie I just watched.  The Piano Teacher.  It really was a fucked up movie.  It wasn't bad.  It wasn't great either... mainly it was just fucked up.

I then went on to discuss how I stayed at the Terrorist's house last night.  I mentioned we had sex.  (Twice)  I'm sore as fuck from it.  I haven't been this sore from sex in a freakin long time.  Oh well, It's all for the cause.  I woke up around 2a, couldn't sleep, got up and hung out for a bit.  Then the T got up, stumbled into the living room looking all cute and confused (and naked!) and asked "What the fuck happened?*"

After talking to him for a few minutes it was discovered that he didn't remember a good majority of the evening.  Which I can't really say is a surprise from the way he was throwin' 'em back.  Apparently he didn't remember any of the sex which kind of surprised me because I thought he would have at least remember the first round.  Now, I'm very open with my friends and there have been a time or two (or twenty) when I've been asked for sex details.  It's a question I've come to expect (especially when talking to Nathan) but it has to be said... it's a slightly odd feeling when you're being asked for the details that lead up to sex by the person who was instigating the sex.  It kind of sucks that he can't remember it.  Oh well, not that big of a deal.  It really was some good sex though, he gets very aggressive when highly intoxicated, which, is awesome.

I'm dirty.  I need to shower.  I think Lesley is finally out of the bathroom

I think I got all the key points to the erased blog.  I could have missed some.  My brain's not exactly on top of it at the moment. 

Fuck someone's in the bathroom again!  Bastards!  I need to shower!  On a completely different note... I really miss my heating pad.

Okay I'm done.

*It should be mentioned (and was mentioned in the first version of this post) that we were drinking.  He was drinking heavily, me, not so heavily.

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Mornings SUCK!!

I went to the Terrorists house last night knowing that he had an UBER early morning appointment with his attorney (Little T stuff) and that I'd have to get up at 7 or 8am.  I stayed up late with him knowing this, I even got stoned knowing this.  But knowing and doing are two totally different things.  I think my brain finally just started working properly. 

The worst part... we woke up late.  I think he set his alarm wrong and I set the one on my phone 30 mins after the "ABSOLUTE LATEST TIME" he needed to be up.  Oops.

So after running around all crazily and realizing that he might make the max but it would just be the beginning to a cluster fuck of a day I told him I'd give him a ride.  (To Hillsboro)  We slowed down a bit, drank some coffee and he took the time he needed to compose himself. 

We get to Hillsboro, I drop him off in front of Tresca which is a restaurant I applied and interviewed at a few months ago but decided to not take the job because it was way the fuck out in Hillsboro. 

Then I called my sister.  We had one of those amazing conversations that we used to have years ago.  I was on the phone with her for about 2 hours and in the course of those two hours I realized my sister and I are frighteningly similar when it comes to relationships. 

Completely and totally fucked up.

We both have an insane fear of rejection that prevents us from "jumping right in."  It's like we think we can keep it casual forever and risk the potential of getting hurt either because Herbert (general name for the guy in question) doesn't reciprocate our feelings (rejected!) or Herbert does in-fact "like us like that" and then the relationship grows and grows until he finds someone better and then inevitably Herbert rejects us. 

Which is stupid, both Jolene and myself are attractive, intelligent and funny women.  Any guy out there would be lucky to be graced with our affection.  Maybe, hopefully, one day we'll both believe that.

The problem with our casual approach is that you can't stay casual forever.  Things happen.  Shit changes.  Jolene is learning this right now.  She's been seeing this guy since August.  Things have been casual since then and though their's is a very "couple-ish" type of relationship they are not, in fact, a couple.  Now this boy has moved to Vermont, where she is now, visiting him for the week.  Sometime before she leaves she wants to find a way to tell him that she wants more than this casual "thing."  She love's him.  Though she hasn't actually said so, I can totally hear it in her voice. 

I hope things work out for her. 

On a completely unrelated side note.

I'm at Seven Virtues and the barista was talking to a friend of hers who was a customer.  They happened to be standing right in front of the table I'm sitting at and the barista's back was to me.  It has to be said... she has one of the nicest asses I've ever seen.  Seriously,  I couldn't stop myself from staring. 

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By the best friend. 
So she could get breakfast with the boy I haven't given a nickname to yet.

Fuck.  I so thought he was out of the picture but he's come back full force.  Douche bag.

I really really really wanted to yell at her.  Mainly because I was really looking forward to getting pho with her today but also because she ditched me for a boy.  Ho's before bro's!

I don't really have a right to bitch though.  It's my karma coming back to bite me in the ass.  I did it to Nathan when Chris and I were together, and I know how nice it is to hang out with a boy who makes you smile so I wont freak out on her, that and the fact that if I even yell a little she'll start beating herself up WAY to much. 

It worries me though.  Things seem to be great and dandy and fine when she's with him but when she's not she feels all yucky and insane and she can't function well when she's by herself.  She needs to learn how to do that.  And she needs to go back to her therapist. 

Side Note:  I by no means have any right to talk about my roommates "issues."  I am pretty fucked up in my own little way and the fact that I pretend to know what's best for her is laughable.  Having said that... everything IS a lot clearer from the outside looking in.  

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but instead I'm going to blog cause I'm cool like that.

I have no reefer and that saddens me greatly!!
I also fucked up my ankle and that too saddens me.

Why don't I have any reefer you ask?
'Cause I smoked it all. 
I generally get my reefer from the T's neighbor and I meant to call him to see if I could get some today before work but I totally forgot.  Why?  'Cause I was stoned.  Smart, huh?  Oh well.  I shouldn't smoke.  I should just go to bed anyway.

My ankle...
I'm not positive but I'm pretty sure I fucked it up at work. 
The details are kind of involved and somewhat embarrassing but the condensed version... I fell.
And I blame She Wants Revenge (because god knows I'm not to blame for ANYTHING in my life)
The good news (if I recall correctly from my massage training) because it hurts during active and not passive movement that means its a muscle injury (not a ligament injury) which means if I tough it out it'll probably get better in a few days.
Possibly, if I get the motivation, I'll explain later with visual or audio aids.

For now, I'm going to go crawl into the magical bed and drift off to Happy Friday thoughts.  'Cause TOMORROW IS MY FRIDAY!

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Okay so I'm not really all dressed up.  Actually I'm wearing a tank top that I just threw on so I could go into the living room.  I don't mind walking around in a bra during the day with the windows open but at night it's dark out and the lights inside are on and well I already think my neighbors hate me. 

Anyway, this tank top I decided to leave it on because Lesley told me it made my boobs look good and can you blame me fore wanting my boobs to look good?  It's way to cold for a tank top though. 

Ya know, I have no idea what I'm getting at here.  I'm kind of thinking about doing laundry. 

I was supposed to hang out with the Terrorist tonight but apparently he had plans with his sister today and because 99% of the time his sister bails on him he double booked himself.  He suggested I go over and hang with them but I don't want to impose on family togetherness so I politely declined. 

I think laundry is a really good idea but I know I'm not going to do it.  I really really really really really need to though. 

I could go to bed.  I'm a bit sleepy.

I attempted to be arty today.  Failed miserably at it.  I have my moments sometimes.  I've even surprised/impressed myself at times.  Not tonight.  Not only did I fail miserably but I almost caught myself on fire.  Sexy, huh?

I love my roommate.  But she's crazy at times.  For many reasons actually.  (Well... it's not just her... from what I've seen her whole family is a bit on the nuts-o side)  This one is a new one though. 

-Quick Background-
She's been seeing this guy "the boy I haven't given a nickname to yet" things have been basically rocky from the start.  He's not giving her the attention she wants/needs because he's going through a divorce and she can't seem to understand that it's not going to happen unless she hears the actual words from him. 

She called him tonight.  Basically with the intention to get together so she can have "the talk" with him.  Apparently the boy I haven't given a nickname to yet is depressed as fuck.  He feels as though he's failed everything he's tried to do and thought about throwing himself in front of a bus today.  At some point during the conversation he said he was sorry that he's so complicated.  Her response was something like... "that's okay, I'm complicated too." or something like that.  He... didn't agree.  Told her she's not complicated at all. 

This, pissed her the fuck off.  Which makes me laugh.  A lot actually.  I've never heard of anyone being mad because someone didn't think they were complicated.  Though I do think it is funny as hell I do understand where she's coming from.  She's mad because he hasn't taken the time to get to know her enough to know that she is, well, kind of fucked up.

I'm hoping, hoping, hoping that this will be the end of the boy I haven't given a nickname to yet.  He's a great kid.  But even though he doesn't know it, he's seriously messing with her head.

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